Shifting Planes

Aggresively we all defend the role we play
Regrettably time’s come to send me on my way
We’ve seen it all bonfires of trust flash floods of pain
It doesn’t really matter don’t you worry it’ll all work out
No it doesn’t even matter don’t you worry what it’s all about.
-Exitlude, The Killers

Dear blog. I'm leaving. And It's getting painful. The daily countdown has commenced and the act of putting my possesions in to cardboard boxes to be shipped away hurts. Moving out of my home of 7 years only to let it be occupied by strangers. I cringe at the thought of someone else sleeping on my bed, looking out of my window, cooking in my kitchen. I don't want to leave this place.

It was just something I had to do. It may at surface appear to be the move of a filial child, however there is more to it than that. Perhaps I am deliberately putting myself through this to ensure that I constantly move forward and not remain stagnant in my comfort zone. Perhaps I am doing this to allow myself to appreciate what I had, and have. Or is it because I feel there is more depth in going back to one's roots? Or the challenge of flipping to a new chapter? Giving it a go. Maybe I really am just a filial kid....

I know this will make me stronger. The first few weeks, there will be pining and lots and lots of missing. But there will always be things to look forward to and be grateful for...like the fact that I'm 25 and the world is my oyster.

My 11 year old violin student said to me yesterday that she was sad that I was leaving. 10 seconds later I received an SMS from mum saying that she was really looking forward to me coming home... 'It's a dream come true'. Moving is such...when a void is created, another is filled. It is the constant filling of voids such as this that keeps emotions active- that keeps the heart pumping.

"Having said that, there's so much digging and filling dratted voids that one can take before she goes insane. I love this place. I think I'll be back...."