Trigger Happy

You rise as high as your dominant aspiration, you descend to the level of your lowest concept of yourself. Free your mind and your ass will follow. - Funkadelic, Good Thoughts, Bad Thoughts

For those who are not aware, I have gotten a new limb. Meaning, nowadays, if you should happen to go out someplace with me, I will most likely be wearing a black bulky thing strung around my neck called a Nikon D50 (digital SLR) camera.
I must say it is the most addictive, funkiest, coolest toy I have had for a while. The last equally cool expensive toy my parents got me would have to be my violin. Sometimes I feel somewhat guilty- I wish I could pay for this. If I worked for it, wouldn't I appreciate it more? And then I say, one day I will pay them back in kind. For now, I will use it to learn. And make the buy worthwhile. And count myself lucky.

Dear friends, a few words of warning... With this thing around my neck :
1. I tend to get carried away. When I start crawling under gutters because I think it would be nice to get shots of slime dripping on to the lens, it is time to knock some sense in to me. Literally.
2. When I want a picture, I usually would do what it takes to get the picture. e.g: setting up a tripod in the middle of the road, approaching hawker sellers, climbing on cars etc.
3. As a result of 1. and 2. , I may be a slight embarrassment to have around. If you can't deal with it, leave me somewhere to clickclick & then come back to pick me up later, or tell me in a stern voice "The Nikon stays at home".

STORY

I was out last night with 2 friends and my sis. After an adventurous drive around the island (that involved a drive up to kekloksi temple, stepping out of the car only to witness the shutting down of all the lights and lanterns, then driving back down towards town, turning & going in to a one way street....the wrong way), we finally reached a decent photo night spot and stopped to take shots of the night hawker scene and lanterns hanging across the street.


In the end, yes I did get shots of the local night life & hawker sellers.... but,

- The hawker sellers thought I was from a local newspaper & started yelling at me to take their picture, posing for me. I obliged, asking them to 'smile'.
- I seem to have disrupted the ambiance of some of the old men having their night time cup of coffee.
- My 3 companions seemed to be walking awfully fast, in front of me, on our way back to the car.....

Sometimes, I wonder if it's worth it. The things we do all for the sake of art, or just plain interest. And then I think, what harm did it do to anyone? At worst, the hawkers get a cheap thrill and free publicity. At worst, I look like a local-gone-wrong psycho tourist. But then... I've got all these brilliant photos to remember the night by!!!!

Somehow, I don't think my sentiments are shared by many others...

Impermanence

If you believe in forever, then life is just a one night stand - The Righteous Brothers, Rock And Roll Heaven

Moments gone by, days and nights of events, new faces, old faces. Phases, chapters of life, come and go. Childhood, never to be lived again. Friends, never to be seen again. One day, I woke up having to deal with the fact that a friend had died. Another day, my beagle puppy got stolen. And another...a 3 year relationship was severed. Impermanence is the game we are playing.

Yet, some of us are seeking for something more solid. Something that defies the laws of impermanence. Isn't that why, in primary school, we make a pact that we will be best friends till we grow old and grey? Isn't that why all that 'Forever Friends' merchandise is doing so well- They're marketing those little pink bears as symbols of eternal friendship. Isn't that why...people get married?
So I ponder...life is so friggin' uncertain by nature. Should we be trying to inject some constancy, some stability in to it? Should we go in to relationships that we foresee no future in? Should we stick to a certain place that gives us a sense of security, just because it is the safer and more 'permanent' option?

I have always hated goodbyes. But then again, it comes hand in hand with hellos. I'm not particularly in to religious philosophy or anything, but I can really relate to that ying and yang theory. 2 opposing forces, not necessarily good and bad, but just interrelated forces that ultimately, more or less, balances everything out. When something leaves a void inside of you, it's bound to get filled up eventually. Sometimes you might go around with the emptiness, like wandering around with an exposed wound...but eventually, the void gets filled, even if it means making the effort to fill it yourself. So my friend's legacy lived on, my beagle was found, new friendships were made.

I think I have a love-hate relationship with life's impermanent nature. I mean, it's good coz:
-Without it, I know I would be an indolent bum.
- I would probably be bored to death by routine.
-Life would just be a Truman Show.
-I would take a lot of things for granted.
But...
-I don't like airports and goodbyes.
-I am also not one who handles change well.
-Sometimes, permanence comes hand in hand with comfort. Occasionally, one likes to feel comfortable.
-Also, impermanence makes life harder to manage, or control. I think I'm okay with this. Although it drives some people I know crazy. Control freaks, mainly.

Maybe I'm just moping because my 2 hangout poker/shithead buddies left me this morning. Or that I'll be going to KL tomorrow morning to be with close friends but will be leaving by Tuesday. Or that Bobby is now too big and heavy for me to carry around. Or that my friggin' new laptop is playing up or or....my red streaks from my hair have faded.
It's just as well we speak philosophically about impermanence and life, but at the end of it, the point is, something not lasting, can really be a pain in the arse...

Lotsa words, Thoughts spurred - Year end's turd.

Nobody's right till somebody's wrong.
Nobody's weak till somebody's strong.
Nobody's lucky till love comes along.
Nobody's lonely till somebody's gone. -Eric Clapton, It's in the way that you use it.

It is the year 2006. Time flies. Time flutters!! Where have all those precious moments gone? It is time I burst out in to rhyme & song. I feel like a friggin' oompah loompah....

Yet another chapter, yet another page
Yet another string of words to get me through my age...
When will youth and funk,
Randomness and spunk,
Be replaced by dull routine
And anti-wrinkle cream?

This year. Shall be THE year. (As was last year)
I shall learn many new things.
I shall embrace my last year at uni.
I shall remember to drink my cup of coffee before lectures.

I want to prance and dance down George Street, Sydney
In my PJ's and a sash
Singing '~My name is Lola...I was a showgirl...~''
And having such a bash.

I shall be more organised.... REALLY.

So.... Lin, What have you learnt from 2005?
1. Where all the shit goes after we flush the toilet.
2. Pair of Jacks always lose.
3. How to shut up. It is seriously, an underrated skill. It's amazing how much more you learn, how much you observe and how much more you're respected when you just listen and soak.....
4. Luck comes hand in hand with optimism.
5. Love is a many splendoured thing. Love lifts us up where we belong. All you need is love! ( sorry, couldn't resist... :D )
6. Photography can help one with the process of convincing oneself that their life is more brilliant, more perfect, than it really is. Which is not necessarily a bad thing. Photo album after photo album of smiles, special events and holidays. The rest is conveniently forgotten. I guess it helps with preserving the general happiness of people and their contentment with their current lives.
7. From the words of a master, 'All we are saying is give peace a chance.'
8. A friend scoffed at me the other day and said, what's another year?
Yes years are just made up time frames. But thank goodness for them, else I wouldn't be pressured in to reflecting upon my 365 days gone by. And 'final year at uni' wouldn't be such a big deal. It would just be 'a little more studying before I'm finally done.' I like the time system. It works. Otherwise it would just be ... *singing* sunrise.... sunset..... sunrise......sunset. ;)

23! What a brilliant age to be at. I'm gonna make it count. Gonna make it last...
Coz I get by with a little help from my friends,
yeah...I get high with a little help from my friends,
yeah...gonna try, with a little help from my friends...

How New Year was spent.

As soon as you're born you start dying, so you might as well have a good time. - Cake, Sheep Go To Heaven