A knot in the stomach.

A knot in the stomach.
Is not a nice feeling at all.
Like you've misread someone on the poker table. And u've made that big call, but you're not getting your chips back... Because you read him wrong.
It was just a bad read. I should be prepared to let go of my chips. Pay for my mistakes.
But why then, can't I stop thinking about it?

A knot in the stomach.
Is not a nice feeling at all.
Like an instrument that goes off key, while you are playing a beautifully written piece of music.
It's meant to have a great ending - for just like love, the music is beautiful.
But why then...does it change to a minor key?
Why then...does it not end the way I thought It would?

A knot in the stomach.
Is not a nice feeling at all.
Like putting your all, your time, effort, soul and heart in to a painting,
your personal masterpiece...
And then going off for a coffee break....and coming back and realizing that what you thought was a grand work of art... was really just a few splotches of paint on a blank canvas.
And it wasn't, and isn't .... such a great painting at all. In fact, it's really quite ugly.
And the trouble is, nobody else thought it looked good,....only you did, when you were so engrossed painting it...

Yes, this knot in the stomach.
Is not a nice feeling at all.
But until I learn how to fold my cards, take control of my music and self-access my 'artwork', will I learn how to rid myself from these dratted knots...

Until then... I guess I just have to live with it. For it took 2 hands to tie this knot. And one of them was mine. =(

Reflections for the week

There is something refreshing about breaking out from the relationship bubble.

Not only is it a breath of fresh air... You see things clearer. When in the bubble, your vision becomes impaired. Everything revolves around the circumferance of that little world which you are captured in...and which you used to think completed you.

But when the air thins, and you can't breath...you take that one big step of bursting out in to the open.... And when it does happen, you realize that there's so much out there which you've missed out on...


And then fear hits. There's silence. There's openness and endless posibilies. No plotted path, just 360 degrees of....space. U're scared. And yet you know it's for the best.

I told a friend just now..."u better head off soon, sky is dark, looks like it's gonna pour soon". A moment ago I looked up at the sky again and realized that the storm I thought was coming had passed by queitly...while I was busy typing this blog post.

Don't you love it when that happens in life.......