Social Suffocation

I wanna stand up, I wanna let go
You know, you know - no you don't, you don't
-All These Things That Ive Done, The Killers


There is never certainty in this world. That troubled me before, but now it doesn't.

In time, I've realized that the best things in life are not the fixed things, but those that have room to grow, to develop and to be nurtured in to something unexpected.

It's the unexpected things that stand out in my memory... the trips whereby we got lost or stumbled upon hidden treasures that were not on the map,... not the guided tours that involved waking up at 8a.m to view a monumental building of some sort.

We humans have programmed ourselves to be so caught up with the social structural schedule we put ourselves through, day in and day out... that it has consumed us. Sometimes I wake up feeling like a hamster, running around in a wheel in a cage. Stepping out of the wheel would mean going home from work. But when you're out of the wheel, you're still in the cage...

We're programmed to wake up a certain time. Sleep a certain time. Eat at specific times...

Holidays are planned to the dot. We have to budget every single damn month to make sure we don't overspend so we have enough to eat well and get ourselves that iphone that everyone else has.

Are we just a pawn on the chess board, a puppet in this life that we created for ourselves - this vicious man-made routine that we put ourselves through every day?

The craziest thing is we can't escape. We can only make the best of it. Coz we've gone too far. We've built this world up too much now, to go back to the basics. And most of us are born followers, whether we like it or not. And if we don't play according to the rules, the consequences are way too grim. Just like an ant that strays from the ant nest - would probably be..... squished or eaten alive.

But sometimes I look up in to oblivion. Or sit quietly on the bed while the rain pours down outside. And I dare to question...so many things that we should all question. Should we really be spending hours a day staring at some other car's backside? 
Pandora makes so much more sense than New York or KL. Why then, didn't we take that route? 
Are we all brainwashed by leaders with wrong priorities?
Why are we here? What's our purpose? What really matters? What is the bigger picture? What is real? 
Can we change this. 

And although I'm not faced with straightforward answers... I know that there will come a time that everything makes more sense to me. Perhaps I am merely restless and confused by the structure of the city life and the society that I have dived in to so deep..... so deep that I feel like I will eventually drown and lose myself if I don't resurface to take a gasp of fresh air every now and then. 

Im just glad I'm not in this alone. 


Signing off,
-Puny insignificant ant who dares to question.

When the dust settles

Warning: Personal post. High levels of emotion, self-reflection and personal references involved.

It's true. Things happen when you least expect it.

I didn't ask to be happy again. Didn't even know what I was missing out on.

But it happened. And I'm glad it did.

Why be saved later, when I had the chance to save myself now.

The Other Side of The Bubble - I haven't referenced the name of this blog for awhile now.

It's all about reflection.
And 'The Other Side' depicts something around the corner, or something left behind.

Not something presently accessible. 

The Other Side of The Bubble- The Past

Thank you, to those I have loved and lost. To moments shared and gone. Memories in my head that are significant and oh so relevant...but are slowly fading like polaroids in a drawer.

The colours, however vibrant and loud they were at that time itself, will fade. But the outline of these moments will always be imprinted in my mind.

Thank you, for making me stronger. For I am not dead from any hurt or pain ever inflicted on me. In fact, It made me feel more...which means I'm more alive.

I appreciate the good things more now. 

And I have a clearer perspective of what I want, what I need.

The Other Side of The Bubble- Around the Bend

Thank you for the love, the commitment, the devotion.

Ive been lucky.

I have hurt just enough for me to learn from it.

Loved just enough for me to learn from it.

And now I've found this.

And from the lessons of the past, a more solid foundation is formed....

A foundation built from principles, precedents and mere common sense that was knocked in to me over the past few years.

Life's too damn short to wallow in sorrow. Pick yourselves up, it's worth it. At the end of the day - it's true what they say... what doesn't kill you, will only make you stronger.

I realized, after all the self reflecting, that the only person who was coming in the way of my happiness.... was myself. It took a change of mind, and a change of spirit and a change of heart......... but now I'm at that fuzzy, warm cozy place that I so longed to be at...  

So yeah, It's worth everything. 

Burble

Project: Burble
By Haque: Design & Research.

My absolute dream company to work at!!!

http://www.haque.co.uk/index.php

'The first Burble ever, launched at the open ceremonies of the Singapore Biennale 2006, was known as Open Burble and consisted of a 15 storey structure designed, assembled and controlled by members of the public. The purpose of the project was to explore how people could design and contribute to their urban environment at a massive scale, albeit just for one night'

Monochromatic no more.

Hmmm...Need to inject some colour in my life...and in this blog........

 

A knot in the stomach.

A knot in the stomach.
Is not a nice feeling at all.
Like you've misread someone on the poker table. And u've made that big call, but you're not getting your chips back... Because you read him wrong.
It was just a bad read. I should be prepared to let go of my chips. Pay for my mistakes.
But why then, can't I stop thinking about it?

A knot in the stomach.
Is not a nice feeling at all.
Like an instrument that goes off key, while you are playing a beautifully written piece of music.
It's meant to have a great ending - for just like love, the music is beautiful.
But why then...does it change to a minor key?
Why then...does it not end the way I thought It would?

A knot in the stomach.
Is not a nice feeling at all.
Like putting your all, your time, effort, soul and heart in to a painting,
your personal masterpiece...
And then going off for a coffee break....and coming back and realizing that what you thought was a grand work of art... was really just a few splotches of paint on a blank canvas.
And it wasn't, and isn't .... such a great painting at all. In fact, it's really quite ugly.
And the trouble is, nobody else thought it looked good,....only you did, when you were so engrossed painting it...

Yes, this knot in the stomach.
Is not a nice feeling at all.
But until I learn how to fold my cards, take control of my music and self-access my 'artwork', will I learn how to rid myself from these dratted knots...

Until then... I guess I just have to live with it. For it took 2 hands to tie this knot. And one of them was mine. =(

Reflections for the week

There is something refreshing about breaking out from the relationship bubble.

Not only is it a breath of fresh air... You see things clearer. When in the bubble, your vision becomes impaired. Everything revolves around the circumferance of that little world which you are captured in...and which you used to think completed you.

But when the air thins, and you can't breath...you take that one big step of bursting out in to the open.... And when it does happen, you realize that there's so much out there which you've missed out on...


And then fear hits. There's silence. There's openness and endless posibilies. No plotted path, just 360 degrees of....space. U're scared. And yet you know it's for the best.

I told a friend just now..."u better head off soon, sky is dark, looks like it's gonna pour soon". A moment ago I looked up at the sky again and realized that the storm I thought was coming had passed by queitly...while I was busy typing this blog post.

Don't you love it when that happens in life.......

Killer Fever

And I dreamed your dream for you, and now your dream is real....
Romeo and Juliet, Dire Straights


I will be meeting this fine specimen of a man this Sunday.
Along with 10,000 other people, but that's beside the point...

I love him...For writing the songs that were the soundtrack to so many episodes of my life. For being the leader of the greatest band alive. For injecting poetry in to music. For giving us dance anthems like Somebody Told Me and Spaceman. For not being afraid to be the only rock star who doesn't drink, do drugs, smoke and goes to the gym. For bringing Las Vegas and Sam's Town to the rest of the world. For honouring the greats, Dire Straights, U2 etc - and re-singing my favourite lovesong, 'Romeo and Juliet' to such perfection. For having such a cool name. For having such awesome showmanship and live presence. For being so darn hot.



I just hope I don't faint or hyperventilate on Sunday. I'm bringing a paper bag.

Avatar, the movie

Staying awake to chase a dream,
Tasting the air you're breathing in,
I know i won't forget a thing...

-Falling Away With You, Muse


You know all that hype about 'Avatar' - how it's the most visually stunning film ever made, how it changed the world...... It's all true.

Yes, it happened last year. But I just have to write about it.

It's not just a film about visual pyrotechnics (yes, I googled that) and Hollywood effects and thrills... It's got depth. Firstly, visual depth- If one buys the DVD and pauses on single screen shots randomly throughout the movie, I believe you would potentially have hundreds of brilliant computer 'screensavers'. The detail is stunning. Which is why watching it twice is still not enough. There is so much visual richness to absorb every single time.


Then there are the characters. As this is not a full review, I won't dwell on the other characters but will feature just one- Neytiri, princess of the Omaticaya clan and Jake Sulley's 'mate'.

What a woman- Filial and fiercely loyal to family. A fighter. A survivor. And very much in tune with her emotions and her surroundings.
What I love about this character is her 'realness'. Yes, she gets emotional - like all women do. But she overcomes this with fearless luster!-She possesses the inner strength to love and live and fly like the wind- that a lot of us are searching for...
Plus, she kicks ass.


The best thing about Avatar though, is Pandora. And the best thing about the movie is the feeling of being transported in to this world. Cameron makes it so damn beautiful -it's like taking a drug and being on a high, temporarily. Strawberry Fields Forever kinda thing.
I couldn't help but feel..."I've seen this all before....In a dream." It re-visited the kind of feelings I had as a kid wondering through my dad's rose bushes in my garden. Or going snorkeling for the very first time.

But the dream gets better- it doesn't stop at glowing trees and floating mountains. We fly! We fly on big colourful birds that are only meant for us, and us alone. There is so much emotional play and symbolism in this movie, that many would overlook. Flying on a big red firey bird that will only answer to you, and you alone... joining a 'plug' from your head that connects you solely to your animal of choice and to the roots of the trees and your surroundings. Falling..... but knowing how to fall gracefully and having the insight on how to break your fall.
And every single bit of these little lessons....are executed to visual perfection.

It's a stroke of genius, this movie. The only thing I felt could have been somewhat improved is the script and certain bits of conversation which could have been a bit more poetic, but then again, that's just me being petty.

Some favourite scenes:



If you haven't watched it. Please do. 3D is good. But 2D did it for me too.
Other films that stood out for me in 2009 - District 9, Star Trek, Inglorious Bastards.
I cringed during - Transformers 2, Twilight-New Moon,

2010 - Fuzzy Logic

I got the green light, I got a little fight
I'm gonna turn this thing around...
-Read My Mind, The Killers

It's a start of a new decade. And the ressurrection of a dead blogsite of 2 years!! I missed you, blog. You were an outlet that helped me interpret thoughts, feelings and general little details of life that mattered, and would have gone by unnoticed and undocumented if not for u.

I hardly relish in wearing my heart on my sleeve, but the notion here is not to lament or harp, but to share and learn.

Must. find. strength. Strength to overcome shadows of the past and to take that leap of faith in to a brighter and more animated dimension. Strength to climb up in to the open skies again.

I've realized that we are creatures of vulnarability and suckers of warm & fuzzy feelings. Friendship is fuzzy. The love between a man and woman is fuzzier. I love the word 'fuzzy' because there is a warmth and expression to it that is associated to a warm cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter's day, or the soft fur of your favourite teddy bear or puppy that you hug to sleep. It's what we thrive on and it feels.....nice.

When the fuzziness is removed, you feel like a sheep that just got it's coat sheared off - bare, cold and exposed. And it takes time for that fuzziness to grow back again... support from friends, family etc...but eventually it does. It's the cycle of things - humans need fuzziness to survive. Just as sheep need their furry coats.

....Sometimes though...when Mr Sheep's fur coat is not nicely taken care of, it gets filthy and all knotted and....spoilt. Sure, it's a thick and fuzzy-ish coat....but it's what u call - expired fuzz. That's when you need to shave it all off so a new and fuzzier coat has space to grow. =)

*baaaa.....*

May you all have fuzziness in your lives. It is what wraps the heart with warmth - and gives me a reason to smile. Every day. =)

Shifting Planes

Aggresively we all defend the role we play
Regrettably time’s come to send me on my way
We’ve seen it all bonfires of trust flash floods of pain
It doesn’t really matter don’t you worry it’ll all work out
No it doesn’t even matter don’t you worry what it’s all about.
-Exitlude, The Killers

Dear blog. I'm leaving. And It's getting painful. The daily countdown has commenced and the act of putting my possesions in to cardboard boxes to be shipped away hurts. Moving out of my home of 7 years only to let it be occupied by strangers. I cringe at the thought of someone else sleeping on my bed, looking out of my window, cooking in my kitchen. I don't want to leave this place.

It was just something I had to do. It may at surface appear to be the move of a filial child, however there is more to it than that. Perhaps I am deliberately putting myself through this to ensure that I constantly move forward and not remain stagnant in my comfort zone. Perhaps I am doing this to allow myself to appreciate what I had, and have. Or is it because I feel there is more depth in going back to one's roots? Or the challenge of flipping to a new chapter? Giving it a go. Maybe I really am just a filial kid....

I know this will make me stronger. The first few weeks, there will be pining and lots and lots of missing. But there will always be things to look forward to and be grateful for...like the fact that I'm 25 and the world is my oyster.

My 11 year old violin student said to me yesterday that she was sad that I was leaving. 10 seconds later I received an SMS from mum saying that she was really looking forward to me coming home... 'It's a dream come true'. Moving is such...when a void is created, another is filled. It is the constant filling of voids such as this that keeps emotions active- that keeps the heart pumping.

"Having said that, there's so much digging and filling dratted voids that one can take before she goes insane. I love this place. I think I'll be back...."

It’s a shame, we could have gone sailing
But heaven knows, heaven knows everything...

'-Tranquilize, The Killers.'

Talking Beagle